Frustrated!
I jacked up my knee last Saturday
and I can’t seem to get it to loosen up. My back totally froze up in a work out
a couple days ago and I had to DNF. Yesterday I had to choose not to put more
weight on the bar during a 3 rep max back squat for fear of further wrecking my
knee or back or both… I have no engine. I feel like I’m going uphill on a skate
board during every wod. Every second of the wod seems to take an hour. And during
that one-hour-second I just want to quit. It feels like it takes every bit of energy
just to convince myself to keep moving. And that has nothing to do with the
knee or the back… it’s only my engine… my endurance, my strength…
Perhaps I’m doing exactly
what I wrote about in my last post. But at the moment I don’t care. I’m
frustrated with my performance…
I sound like a big baby
right? Well here I go, I’m about to throw a temper tantrum…
I’ll start by saying I
know people say “it’s showing up that counts” and that that I’m “probably going
through some physical change” or maybe “it’s the weather”. I know that everyone
goes through valleys or slow periods at one time or another. I’ll even go as
far as to say maybe “it’s just mental”. But
after I get all the pep talk, cliché, psycho therapy babble out of the way, I’m
still left with the real stuff that’s on my mind.
I’ve regressed or maybe I’ve
just hit a plateau while those around me continue to progress. Either way, my
neck is sore from watching each of them pass me by. I’m frustrated because my
times have gotten slower. My AMRAP rounds are fewer. I grit my teeth during the wod and hang my
head after the wod just to keep from screaming or crying from frustration.
Everyone has been
supportive. Everyone is encouraging. My pep talk jargon would say “Leah, you’re
your biggest critic” bull! To me the white board is the biggest critic… It would
say “Leah, you’re only competing against yourself” bull! At this point I’m ONLY
competing against not DNFing. “Leah, at least you show up. At least you’re
moving. At least you’re not quitting.” At least, at least, at least… I don’t want
“at least” I want more.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know how to snap out of it. If it’s mental I don’t know how to improve
my mind set. If it’s physical I don’t know what changed.
I don’t know what to do.
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